There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
