So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
