anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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