She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
