Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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