Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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