Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
