how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
