Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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