he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
