Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He has the fingertips of a God
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