so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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