i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
