Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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