6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's never too late to be topless.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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