I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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