Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
