3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I need water and some morals
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
