I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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