It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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