I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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