Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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