Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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