i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
