escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
