Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
