Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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