like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
