Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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