after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
