a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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