He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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