yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
