we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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