apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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