Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
