I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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