i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
