gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
