My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
