Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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