I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
