She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
