he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
