Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize