so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
