you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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