you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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