You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
