I wanna bring you to show and tell
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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