Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize