Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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