So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I stole a fireplace last night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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