I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
