we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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