we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I need to stop coming to work sober
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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