Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
