Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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