I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
This house was built for laser tag.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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