My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
