I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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