One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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