So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
