there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
