Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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