I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
