So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
