So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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